Previously on "United States of Tara"...
Chicken is missing.
She was playing in the cornfield,
when something unspeakable happened to her.
I killed her.
And who are you?
I'm Bryce Craine.
The relevant term here is "abuser alter."
It's a personality modeled on a primary abuser -
caretaker, family member...
Or stepbrother.
Bryce?
The self turning against itself,
which accounts for your cutting.
Isn't it wonderful?
It's like...
Christmas every day.
Lionel Trane's dead. It was a car accident.
I'll go to Manhattan.
I think it's best for everyone that I not hang around.
You even know where you're going?
Yeah.
I want to make my own problems.
That's my right as a human fucking being.
And so I choose you.
Be my problem.
The little girl, the Jew, the poncho -
three down, three to go.
And then?
It's just me and her.
When's Tara coming back?
She's not.
♪ Hello, there ♪
♪ Merry Christmas, how've you been? ♪
♪ gee, it's so good ♪
Morning.
♪ To talk to you again ♪
♪ It's been a long, long time ♪
♪ can't explain why you've crossed my mind ♪
♪ I guess it's just to wish you a merry Christmas ♪
You're a savior.
♪ My best friend's having a party ♪
♪ and everybody's going ♪
♪ I know it's gonna be a lot of fun ♪
♪ Oh, by the way, it's snowing ♪
♪ it's been a long, long time ♪
♪ can't explain why you've crossed my mind ♪
♪ I guess it's just to say, gee whiz, it's Christmas ♪
♪ have a merry, merry Christmas ♪
Psst!
Hey, Max-aroo.
Get me one of them beers, would ya?
Buck?
Hurry up. I ain't got much time.
Well, get a cold one from the back, for Christ's sakes.
This is my last goddamn meal.
What the fuck are you doing?
I'm sayin' goodbye, hombre.
Just put it on the counter there.
What do you mean, "goodbye"?
We got a 'nam situation in the medulla oblongata here.
People tryin' to get out, and there ain't no choppers.
And that fucker Bryce is pickin' us off one by one.
Well, I ain't takin' no dirt nap without a final beer.
I want to talk to Tara.
Good luck.
If you see her, tell her I tried my best.
Oh, and please tell char,
even though it never worked out between us,
I still think about her.
I will - I guess.
Uh, let me just -
Oh, shit. Here he comes.
Listen, my ashes are to be mixed with a fifth of Jack Daniel's
and poured onto the grave of Mr. John Wayne -
Pacific View Memorial Park,
Bayview Terrace, Section 575.
You got it?
Ash- what ashes?
Courage is bein' scared to death and saddlin' up anyway.
Do your worst, Bryce, you motherfucker!
Then he chugs the beer and is like, "adios, muchachos." Gone.
And this is Buck?
Yeah, and then Bryce is standing there,
and he's describing in really, really sick fucking detail -
like "blood and guts on the wall" detail -
how he killed Buck in Tara's head.
So, now you're stashing Buck's guns and stabby shit in my house.
Isn't even half of it. Haven't even checked the basement yet.
Okay.
This used to be my coffee table...
Up until about three months ago.
Also, a habitat for ferrets.
Oh, they got out. Huh.
Okay, I'm just gonna say it -
at what point do we consider having her, you know, committed?
"We"?
She's my sister.
Look, she's fine.
I mean - I mean, she's not fine, but -
Max Look at what you're doing.
Yeah, I know - it's fucked up.
But the Overland Park mental-health system
hasn't exactly worked wonders for us in the past.
Look, she'll come back to us. She always comes back.
Remember when Buck joined the merchant marines?
You just said Buck was dead.
I'll take care of it.
I don't think you can this time.
I'll get her back. Just trust me.
Wow.
What do you think?
Well, I-I don't know.
I mean, it's not really my place to, you know, say any-
Out with it.
I think we should sell the house and move to Houston.
What?
For business purposes, all right?
Not because your sister's a child molester.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
No, you're right. It's because of the child molesting.
♪ Rockin' in the holidays ♪
It was my dad again.
Oh?
Checking in.
I guess mom's not doing so well. She's still, um...
Fruitcake.
I don't think that's the technical term.
Since we're in the Christmas spirit,
I thought we'd have a slice.
Oh.
1974.
Year they found that skeleton in Ethiopia -
called her "Lucy."
Your grandfather bought a Samsonite case for $62,
which was very expensive, but it had wheels.
Used to pull your father around on it.
He wants me to come home - dad.
He needs help, but...
...I don't know if I want to deal with her.
Don't be silly. She's your mother.
You - you have to love her,
no matter how crazy you think she is.
So... here.
Your dad loves fruitcake.
♪ Rockin' in the holidays ♪
Down here spanking the monkey?
Want to borrow my jizz sock?
Just hiding Buck's arsenal from bad little boys.
Geez, who do I have to kill
to get a little respect around here?
Oh, don't act like you miss them.
I get this done, and we're both free -
no more crazy town.
We get real lives.
The life I want is with my wife.
She doesn't deserve you, sporto.
Does she deserve you?
Dad?
Oh, great - the little prince.
Down here, buddy.
Nice haircut. Still Bryce?
You still chugging cock?
Thanks for coming, Marsh.
Yeah, no problem. Glad to help.
Family crisis and all that.
I don't want to go down there. It's dark.
Fuck me! Hey, mom!
You need some stick 'n' click lights on these stairs.
They're only $9.95 for a package of three at the Target.
Why are we all underground?
Uh, grandma, this is Bryce.
Your haircut looks strange on a girl.
Go to hell, prune face.
Hey, ma, we got us a little situation down here.
I brought you a fruitcake.
You sure did.
Oh, I get it - you're talking about me.
Hello?
Downstairs.
Is that a penis?
Oh, barely.
Just cleaning up.
Ohhhh.
Is this a Torando?
I an not doing it again sober.
Hello, cupcake.
Oh, this is so wrong.
Maxie, why do you have these boxes of guns and pornography?
They're not mine.
That's what you said when I found the marijuana in your pants.
- Excuse me? - Kate, you met grandma Sandy?
Oh, wow. Yeah, sorta.
You smell good.
Fuck off!
Looks like I'm gonna need
that jizz sock a while longer, Max.
Did she say "jizz"?
- Unfortunately. - Yep.
Okay, guys, look.
I know it seems like things are out of control,
but we're gonna get back on track, I promise.
We just got to - got to stick together
like a unit - family unit.
We got to keep remembering to have normal family fun,
do normal-family-fun stuff, okay?
Now, your mom - she's coming back, just like always.
Gonna take some time.
But that's why we're gonna take her to her favorite place.
We're going to the Art museum.
Did he say "museum"?
- Yep. - Unfortunately.
This sucks.
Hey, it's not really a "please touch" kind of place.
Hey, hey, is this "art therapy"?
And if so, is it working at all?
Shut the fuck up, Neil.
Well, we shouldn't just sit here.
We should go talk to her.
Him.
Go ahead.
I'm here for support, but seriously,
nothing we do is gonna make a difference.
Ew. He keeps looking at me.
You always get the cute ones.
Oh, my God. So funny.
Mm. It's laugh-or-cry time here at the musée d'art.
I choose laugh.
Tennis courts and organic veggies?
Yeah, and 'round-the-clock psychiatric care.
It's a fancy nuthouse.
It's a place of "hope, healing, and happiness."
Think about it.
I'm not locking her in there.
Let's ask Kate.
Kate!
I don't need to ask Kate.
What? Ask Kate what?
Nothing.
Don't you think your mom
would enjoy some quiet time away from the family?
I would.
She doesn't need quiet time away. She needs help.
That's what I'm saying.
Our help. My help.
Professional help.
I'm not putting her
in some fucking rubber-room country club.
Great. He's crazy. She's crazy.
You really think that mom needs to be locked up?
Don't you?
Hello, sweetheart.
Mm.
You must hate me.
Don't be ridiculous.
I've made mistakes - lord knows.
And I know I'm difficult to live with or even visit.
Oh, just - can we not get into this?
Crazy is no good for nobody.
Mom.
Especially kids.
They need stability, routine, order.
Your wife is over there humping a sculpture.
Mom, I got to -
My kitty died, Max.
Crushed by a box of used tea bags.
I got to take a pee, mom.
Wash your hands.
It's just for a little while.
Oh, well, then, yeah, by all means,
please stash more guns and porn in my baby's house.
It's in a locked trunk.
That's not gonna stop wheels.
She's already reprogrammed the remote control.
How's it hangin', fellas?
Hey.
Eyes up here.
Tara.
How many times I got to tell you?
Tara, you love art.
You love me.
Okay?
Get the fuck off me, you fucking pervert!
So, does your wife have a dick now or -
Oh, shut the fuck up, Neil.
Well, I'll talk to you later.
I like you a lot, too.
Hey, tell Monty he's a super turkey.
Okay. Bye.
I never told you, but I was always real jealous of you.
T?
Yeah, you got this - this cute little smile
and these cute little clothes and this cute little butt.
And I'm just not cute and little.
What do you mean? You borrow my jeans all the time.
Painfully.
Anyways, that's done with. It looks like I'm outtie.
What do you mean?
I mean the Grim Reaper - the Bryce Creeper.
That boy is doing major damage,
and it's getting kinda lonely in here.
Well, do you think I can talk to my mom?
Look, before I go, I just want to say
I'm sorry for punching you in the face.
I really do admire the way you handle your shit, girl.
We both bad bitches, and we don't crawl for no one -
which ain't to say we can't please on our knees,
if you know what I'm sayin'.
That's one of those ones you can't really answer.
Codeine, bourbon...
And the rest is silence.
You can't cheat death with a blowjob.
Right.
Well...
Peace out, little sis.
Peace out, T.
T? T?
T.
Mom?
Nope.
Homegirl's dead.
But how about you show a little love
and have me slip inside those jeans?
Uh...
Mm.
Any other ideas? The floor's open.
Well, mom's always liked bowling.
It's not funny.
She's offing her imaginary friends. It's kind of funny.
Guys. She's creepier than Gene Stuart.
Wow, Kitty Kat, that is serious.
Go fuck yourself! Come on, guys!
Dad, I think this might be bigger
than museums and bowling.
She might need to go somewhere and get professional help.
Paging Dr. crab allergy.
Okay, I want you to stop talking to Charmaine.
She may have a point.
Look, I told her and I'll tell you -
I'm not putting your mom in -
- Maxi Millions, I need your help! - Fuck me.
Maxi Millions?
Told you this shit was funny.
What are you doing, ma?
I'm getting into the Christmas spirit.
I-I can't find an outlet, Maxie.
I found one!
Oh, be a dear and get the rest of my things from my car.
I brought the old rolly suitcase.
You used to ride on that, remember?
Good thing I didn't let you throw it away.
Are you... retarded?
I'm sorry?
No, no. I'm sorry.
I'm not going to speak to you. You're not well.
What is all this bullshit?
It's my Christmas stuff.
Don't touch that!
Christmas is bullshit.
"And there were in the same country Shepherds abiding in the field,
"keeping watch over their flock by night.
"And, lo, the angel of the lord came upon them,
"and the glory of the lord shone round about them:
"And they were sore afraid.
"And the angel said unto them, 'fear not
"'for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy,
which shall be to all people'"!
You're just full of beans, aren't you?
♪ Lullaby and good night ♪
♪ go to sleep, little wheelsie ♪
♪ we are reading "planetary" ♪
♪ daddy's awesome comic book ♪
♪ but now that you're asleep ♪
♪ we can check out Buck's porn ♪
♪ for some pointers to use later ♪
♪ when we're having sex with mom ♪
♪ what the fuck is this? ♪
♪ Buck is such a goddamned weirdo ♪
♪ I'm afraid to... look ♪
Wow. Building barricades.
Did not see this coming.
Think of it as another Gregson family quirk.
Wearing an ascot is a quirk.
This is kind of fucked up.
Mm.
I thought that you were laughing it off.
Remember when we were kids
and we thought mom was just being silly?
Yeah.
But... now I'm actually worried about her.
Something's going on.
You think dad should lock her up.
I think that you can't keep doing the same thing,
hoping for a different result.
Do you think you'll come home for holidays?
I mean, if you marry Evan and all?
Ugh! Dude!
Dating.
Okay, well, when - when you really, really leave,
will you ever come home?
Will you?
Lionel had this calendar,
these, um, Norman Rockwell pictures, paintings.
So stupid.
And there's this picture
where this kid finds a Santa costume
in his dad's drawer.
Wonder what he would have painted if he grew up here.
Ohhh.
Wait. Is there no fucking Santa Claus?
Lemonade.
Crunchy ice.
Sip it once.
Sip it twice.
♪ Lemonade, crunchy ice ♪
♪ make it once, make it twice ♪
♪ turn around, touch the ground ♪
♪ kick your boyfriend out of town ♪
♪ and freeze ♪
Pretty, isn't it?
Well, it's all right.
When I was a little girl, we had little clip-on candles.
Real candles and real trees.
'Course, there were more trees then...
And more firemen.
What are you doing here?
What are you?
I live here.
My son lives here - and his children.
And his wife.
So, you're his wife all of a sudden?
Kiss my ass.
I missed your wedding - Tara's wedding.
Max and Tara.
Couldn't leave the house. I was scared.
Thought if I walked out the door, I would die.
I had days like that.
I guess I'm old now,
or maybe I just don't care anymore.
Well, they say courage is being scared to death
and saddling up anyway.
John Wayne said that, and he was a Draft dodger.
I should have known.
Two things before I'm off to bed.
Everything that's happened to your family,
your kids, your husband,
everything they are,
everything they could have been and aren't -
it's all your fault.
And if you touch my tree, I'll break your fucking fingers.
Nighty-night.
Ugh!
Behold!
Neil.
Sorry. I just got caught up.
I can't believe it's actually him.
What the hell is this bullshit, anyway?
That's Bryce Craine's grave. You're dead.
Is everyone in your family fucking retarded?
I think what Max is referring to
is the impossible paradox of you being up here
and also down there being mulched by worms.
Although, if you read "Planetary,"
you would know there's a - Neil!
Asshole!
You dirty, butt-licking, scum-sucking,
fuck-faced douche bag!
Charmaine!
A-actually, when she gets like this, just let her -
Cunt! Cunt! Pfft!
Fuck. I can't spit.
Hey! Wait in the car! Maybe we should -
Pfft! Pfft! Yeah, we'll wait in the car.
Sorry. Sorry. Charmy, Charmy.
Pfft!
Okay. Fucking asshole!
- Here we go. - Fuck!
That could be anyone down there.
Could be, but it's not.
That there is Bryce Craine, son of Frank, stepmother Bev,
half sisters Charmaine and Tara.
Well, I don't believe you.
That's the guy that did it!
Tara, all the shit that happened to you - that's him.
It was me. I did it. I'm the one.
You want to read the obit?
He fucking killed himself.
He put a gun to his chin on Christmas
'cause he couldn't live with what he'd done,
how he hurt you and your family -
just like you're doing right now.
Well, she deserves it.
She deserves a chance for some peace,
to be fucking happy.
You know, she's not so fucking innocent, Max.
God damn it, I-I want to talk to Tara.
You want to put her away.
I want to tell her that I love her.
No.
You're not gonna win, Bryce.
I'm not gonna let you win.
She wanted it to happen, Max.
Ever think of that?
It's why she never told.
Look what I found.
See that boy?
That was a happy boy.
He still believes in Santa Claus.
You shouldn't have to go through all this with Tara
or... whoever that is.
I'll figure it out, ma. It's no big deal.
No, you won't.
You'll try and you'll try, but crazy is crazy.
I know, Max. Your father -
Yes, yes, your father knew things couldn't -
Hey, ma, why are you always defending him?
I'm not defending him.
He left.
He had no choice.
Ma, he had a choice.
You need to leave, Max.
You need to leave her and -
No. No, I'm not doing that.
The only thing your father did wrong was leave you behind.
That's true, and you know it.
You keep Marshall here in this mess,
and he'll waste his entire life
trying to fix something he didn't break.
That's true, too.
Seen it myself.
Fuck you doing in my room, sporto?
Could ask you the same question.
Bet you won't.
Where you going?
Well, there's a big gay parade outside.
I thought you were in it, too.
You're not funny.
And you're not smart.
What the fuck is your problem?
Oh, look - it's your dead boyfriend.
Why you hiding all this special shit?
You ashamed or something?
Yes, you're right - I'm ashamed.
You got me - again.
How do you make it look so easy?
Mm. Look at that.
Fools in love.
Give me that.
First love, huh?
Never forget your first love -
their hands...
Their lips...
Their eyes...
All mashed up in some shitty car.
That's hard to forget, too.
You don't know what love is. You're scared of it.
Ooh! And you can't breathe
without making everyone around you scared, too.
Well, I'm not scared of you, so fuck off.
I know what it's like to lose someone.
I miss Don very much.
It was like losing a piece of myself.
But the hurt fades.
And the love that you shared will stay in your heart forever.
Doesn't matter how long you loved him
or how well you think you did it -
just that you loved him with all your heart
and the best you could.
You're a wonderful boy, Marshall.
I'm so very proud of you.
Boom!
Oh, my God.
That has to be my favorite execution by far.
Well, one left, bitch boy,
and I think you know who that is.
I need a fucking sandwich.
Get off me!
Fuck you!
You fucker!
Oh!
I'm sorry.
Oh, no.
Oh, my baby.
I'm so so-
Oh, God.
Organic veggies, huh?
And tennis courts.
'Round-the-clock psychiatric care.
Yep.
Think it'll work this time?
I don't know.
New drugs, new treatments.
Right.
Hey, it's not for forever. It's just for now.
I'll miss you.
Well, I'm not going anywhere.
For richer and for poorer, right?
Sickness and in...
Health.
Max, stop.
What?
Stop.
I love you.
Tara. ♪ in the dark ♪
Ta- Tara!
♪ We have no bodies ♪
Fuck!